The one thing you can do today that will dramatically improve your training, your health, and the quality of your life

I was listening to a Diary of a CEO episode recently --- the one where Steven Bartlett sat down with Alex Honnold, the free solo climber and the first person to climb El Capitan without ropes. If you haven't seen the documentary Free Solo, I'd highly recommend it. Watching someone climb 3,000 feet of sheer granite with no ropes whatsoever is genuinely breathtaking.

During the podcast they talked a lot about doing hard things. How some people are able to do hard things – whereas others won't. Bartlett talked about some research he had read which has shown that the anterior midcingulate cortex, a region of the brain associated with willpower, tenacity and resilience actually grows in size when we consistently do things we don't want to do.

But what I really noticed during this discussion was how Honnold talked about his approach to these difficult climbing challenges. The language he used – effectively his "self talk" and how this played a role in his achievements.

Words are not just words

Tony Robbins has said that the quality of your life is shaped by the quality of your questions and conversations that you have with yourself. That conversation with yourself shapes what you believe is possible, which shapes everything: your choices, your habits, your effort, your outcomes.

Dr Ethan Kross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan describes the inner voice as one of the most powerful tools the human mind possesses. In his research, discussed with Dr Andrew Huberman on the Huberman Lab podcast, Kross explains that when the inner voice turns negative and repetitive --- what he calls 'chatter' --- it actively drains our cognitive and emotional resources, undermines confidence, and increases anxiety. The language we use with ourselves doesn't just reflect how we feel. It creates how we feel.

The sport psychology research is equally clear. A landmark study by Blanchfield et al. (2014), published in Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, demonstrated that motivational self-talk significantly reduces how hard we feel we are working during an activity and as a result how long we can work for. Participants who used structured motivational self-talk during cycling tests lasted meaningfully longer and rated the effort as less hard. The words they chose didn't just change their mindset --- they changed their physical experience of the work.

And it doesn't stop there. Kross's research also highlights what's known as emotional contagion --- the way our emotional language spreads rapidly through the people around us. The narrative we contribute shapes the culture of any group we're part of, and that culture in turn shapes what everyone in it believes is possible. Consider for example a woman who is already nervous about trying a class for the first time, or who is standing at the start line of her first race. She is listening. What impact does what she hears from the people around her have on her confidence and experience?

When the story we tell ourselves shifts

It's easy for the narrative we hold about ourselves and our training to shift without us noticing. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, the language we use can drift toward the negative and catastrophic. A hard session becomes "brutal". A tough run becomes a "sufferfest", our post workout muscle aches and pains become "agony". We say it lightly, often with humour, but the words land somewhere --- in our own subconscious, and in the minds of everyone who hears them.

I understand the impulse completely. There's a social element to it, a kind of bonding over shared struggle. Some sessions genuinely are hard. Some runs genuinely are tough. But what is that language doing to us over time? And what is it quietly communicating to others?

It reinforces the idea that exercise is something you suffer, that the race will be awful, it creates uncertainty and anxiety. It doesn't encourage the thought that it could be something that makes your life better and bigger.

I just haven't done this yet

I was at the Running Show recently and had the privilege of listening to Carl Lewis speak. One thing he said has stayed with me. He never uses the word "can't." Not because he thinks everything is possible immediately, but because he re-frames it: not "I can't do this" but "I just haven't done this yet." That single shift keeps possibility open. It tells your subconscious that this is a matter of time and effort, not a fixed limitation.

This is the essence of what Stanford psychologist Professor Carol Dweck calls a growth mindset --- the belief that abilities can grow through effort. Her decades of research demonstrate that people who hold this belief embrace challenge, rebound from setbacks, and achieve more over time. And it starts with something as seemingly small as the words you reach for when something gets hard.

How I approach the hard moments in running

I run long distances. Marathons and ultra marathon distances. I have run in the heat of the desert --- through Wadi Rum in Jordan, and the Sahara. I have run when I have been exhausted, when my legs ache, when every sensible part of me has questioned my life choices as staying on the sofa felt like a much better option.

I don't go into those events expecting them to be easy. But I also don't invest emotional energy in dreading how hard it will be, or in trying not to think about how hard it is or how tired I am when I get to those points.

When it gets hard --- and it always gets hard --- my first move is to not attach an emotion to it. It's hard – and that is what it is. Acknowledging that without catastrophising takes so much of the weight out of it and doesn't waste emotional energy when I am already tired. This is what Kross describes as distancing --- the ability to observe a feeling as simply a feeling rather than a defining truth. His research shows that this simple shift reduces emotional reactivity and frees up the mental resources to keep moving forward.

The second thing I do is attach a tagline. Something that connects this moment of difficulty to something that matters to me and re-frames it. "This is hard, but I know I can do this" or "I have done this before." "I'm tired, but it's only x distance to the next checkpoint." "It will feel great when I cross that finish line." Or even... "this is awful, but I am going to finish as if I don't, I will have to do it again!" They're practical anchors that connect present discomfort to future meaning.

What we focus on is what we get. Focus on the suffering, and that's all there is. Focus on the meaning or another aspect, and everything shifts.

This is not toxic positivity. It is not pretending something is easy when it isn't. It is the recognition that how we frame our experience has a direct impact on how we move through it.

When we use strategies like this it also has the same re-framing impact on those around us. Let's go back to the woman who is already nervous about trying a class for the first time, or who is standing at the start line of her first race. She is listening. What impact does this re-framed conversation now have on her confidence and experience?

The growth is in doing hard things

If everything we did was easy, where would the growth come from? The physical adaptation that makes you stronger, fitter, more resilient comes from progressive challenge --- from asking your body to do things it hasn't done before. The discomfort is not the enemy. The discomfort is the signal that something is changing, and you are progressing.

The same is true psychologically. Doing hard things you don't want to do, finishing them, and knowing that you did --- that builds something in you that nothing else can. Confidence, self-belief and evidence that you can. Evidence that "I can't" is a story and not factually correct.

That evidence accumulates. Over weeks, over months, over years of consistent effort and training, you build a library of proof that you are someone who does and can do hard things. And that changes how you walk into the next challenge and through life.

Practical ways to shift your narrative

Like making any change, this works best when it starts small.

Notice the language you're using, both internally and out loud. Not to judge it, just to observe it. What words do you reach for when something gets hard? What do you say to yourself when you miss a session, or when a run doesn't go to plan? Awareness is always the starting point.

Try replacing "I can't" with "I haven't yet." It sounds small. It isn't.

When something is genuinely hard, acknowledge it without adding a catastrophe to it. Then add a bridge to meaning. Why does finishing this matter? What does getting through this make possible?

And pay attention to how you talk about your training with others. You will all be part of communities of women at different points in their journeys. Your words contribute to the culture of those communities and how you will inspire and encourage those around you without you knowing.

A final thought

The one thing that will improve your training, your health, and the quality of your life more than any new program any new piece of kit, or any new goal is the story you choose to tell yourself.

Not the story that pretends hard things are easy. But the story that says: this is hard, and I am someone who does hard things. This is challenging, and that is exactly where growth lives. I haven't done this yet --- and that word yet changes everything.

At Run Fit Fordingbridge, we train and work hard. We ask ourselves to do things that feel difficult and sometimes uncomfortable. And we do it in a community of women who are choosing, every time they show up, to invest in themselves and those around them. That is something to be genuinely proud of.

The next time something feels hard, try not attaching a drama to it. Just notice it. Acknowledge it. And then remind yourself why you're there.

If you'd like to explore what training at Run Fit Fordingbridge could look like for you --- whether that's small group fitness classes, women's run coaching, or simply a conversation about where you'd like to get to --- you can get in touch via the website.

About the Author

Sue Jewell is the founder of Run Fit Fordingbridge, a boutique women's fitness studio and run coaching business based in Breamore, near Fordingbridge in the New Forest, Hampshire. A qualified nurse by background, Sue has built her expertise across endurance run coaching, personal training, sports massage, nutrition and women's health --- including a specialist qualification in supporting pre and post natal clients with exercise and nutrition. She works with women of all ages and fitness backgrounds --- from those taking their very first steps into fitness, through to runners preparing for ultra marathon and multi-day events. Sue has personal experience of endurance running in some challenging environments, including Wadi Rum in Jordan and the Sahara, and was part of the sports massage team at the 2022 Commonwealth Games. She started Run Fit Fordingbridge because she wanted to create the kind of supportive, inclusive women's fitness community she wished had existed when she began her own fitness journey in her late thirties. Find out more about Sue here.

References

Bartlett, S. & Honnold, A. (2026) 'The greatest climber alive: I shouldn't have attempted that climb', The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett, 19 February. Available at: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-greatest-climber-alive-i-shouldnt-have-attempted/id1291423644?i=1000750439491

Blanchfield, A.W., Hardy, J., de Morree, H.M., Staiano, W. & Marcora, S.M. (2014) 'Talking yourself out of exhaustion: the effects of self-talk on endurance performance', Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 46(5), pp. 998--1007. Available at: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24121242/

Dweck, C.S. (2006) Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House.

Huberman, A. & Kross, E. (2024) 'Dr Ethan Kross: how to control your inner voice and increase your resilience', Huberman Lab Podcast, 25 November. Available at: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-ethan-kross-how-to-control-your-inner-voice-increase-your-resilience

Kross, E. (2021) Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It. London: Ebury Press.

Robbins, T. (1991) Awaken the Giant Within. New York: Free Press.